28/05/2022 9:09 PM | cw: oversharing, relationship stuff yada yada

TL;DR I really fucked up this time.
    I was hurt okay. I was hurt and I was repeating patterns from years ago without knowing what I'm exactly doing. And I take full responsibility for it, I shouldn't have lied about something like that just to hurt him. I feel like I shouldn't be let around people when I'm hurt or feel bad. I need other people, it helps me, but I don't want to hurt anyone around me. I really don't.
    I feel like it will never be the same, the way he reacted tells me that he won't forget it. I doubt he'll want to talk to me anytime soon. Good, this way I won't hurt him more.
    I should focus on myself but it's hard. I genuinely don't know what I'm supposed to do anymore. Everything that used to give me any satisfaction right now is just making me tired and unfulfilled. It's been hard to draw or code, especially drawing since I have a lot of projects planned and it's all taking so much time. I wanted to participate in the art fight this year but now I'm not sure if I still want to do it. I don't know if I have the motivation and energy. I don't know anything anymore to be honest. It's been just hard to move on from him, thanks to him. I just hope he won't read this LOL he's avoiding me now but yeah. IDK!!!!!!
    I want to delete everything here, I'm done oversharing. I don't even know who and if anyone reads this. Bye bye